Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
