I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
