K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
