my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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