He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
