totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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