It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
