Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
So many bounce houses so little time
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
