I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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