Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
