you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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