Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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