I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
