I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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