Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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