Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
