I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
