can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
