I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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