can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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