it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
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Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
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Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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