I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
