im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
