we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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