just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
