My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
