we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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