Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
