So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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