he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
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