If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
