My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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