So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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