dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
