dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
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