There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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