at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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