he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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