I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
whose ass print is on the piano?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
