Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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