I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
