my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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