i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
