Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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