The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
