every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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