I am puke
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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