return my video game
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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