your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize