Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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