I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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