OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
