when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
