Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
