Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
you had me at cake vodka
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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