Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
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You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
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Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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