And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
