I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
