I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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