My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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