Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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