i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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