She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
