he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
wow bdsm is so cute
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
