My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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