Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
