It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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