theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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