A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
