I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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