can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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