It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
