When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
