Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
